Scars
by afinemess5
Summary: Niles and CC discover which scars will heal with time and which will show up even in the dimmest light. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally, I don't have many possessions. Don't sue; these characters are not mine. I also don't own the song "Scars" by Anna Nalick. I'm only borrowing the lyrics.

[A/N: Greetings! It's been a ridiculously long time. Life got in the way, but I always come back to my favorite couple. Please R&R, especially if you missed me, as I have missed all of you. The leaps in time that this story takes will make more sense at the chapters continue.]

Scars

Chapter One

_Scars cover you in fine lines_

_Number you a timeline_

_Where was I when you stopped trying?_

A stinging, bitter wind nicked at his face as he fumbled with his keys. Finally selecting the correct one, Niles slid the cold metal into the lock and turned it to the left, using his shoulder to push open the door. As soon as the door was back in place, the wind's whistle quieted and a blanket of warm air encased him. Soft jazz music floated to his ears while a faint aroma of Chanel perfume wafted to his nostrils.

For a moment, a pang so strong stopped him in his tracks. He paused, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Fixing his face with an impassive look, he continued up the stairs.

"Are you almost ready?" he asked, pausing in the doorway to the bedroom.

He saw her slender shoulders jump and then immediately square themselves. "You startled me. I'll be ready in a couple of minutes."

"All right. I have the car ready on the street," Niles told her. She hadn't turned to look at him yet.

"Ok," was all she replied.

Niles turned to go and paused again, as though to say something. Unsurprisingly, he turned and continued on his way.

CC remained in the bedroom, fastening her diamond earrings with slightly trembling fingers.

Niles trudged down the stairs with heavy footsteps. He stood uncertainly in the entry hall, staring into a picture frame at two unfamiliar faces. She had her chin propped on his shoulder, her cheeks pink from the cold, and he had a laugh playing on his lips while light snowflakes swirled around their heads. A snowy hill provided the background for the happy couple.

CC's heels announced her arrival into the hall, followed by a whoosh of soft material and a stronger wave of Chanel. As she draped her shimmery wrap around her shoulders, Niles gestured to the picture.

"Do you remember the ski weekend?" Niles asked in a strange, unidentifiable tone.

CC barely spared the photo a glance as she sidestepped him. "Yes. Let's go, I don't want to be late."

* * *

><p>"Oy, it's so cold," Fran remarked, looking out the window at the whirling snowflakes.<p>

"Well, darling, it's a ski weekend, after all," Max reminded her, wrapping an encouraging arm around her shoulder.

"It'll be fun, Fran!" CC said with a smile.

Fran looked at CC and shook her head. "The lovebirds are still in the honeymoon stage," she muttered to her husband. Fran jumped as a _click_ went off in the limo.

"Maggie, dear, we're all glad you love your photography course," Maxwell said in an exasperated tone. "But why not wait for a photographic moment to occur instead of taking a photo of every moment of our drive?"

"Every moment is a photographic moment," Maggie recited from behind the large, elaborate-looking camera.

CC pivoted on her seat and poked her head to rest near Niles' shoulder. It was one of her favorite places, as it allowed his masculine scent to linger near her face. "How much longer?"

"About fifteen more minutes, love," Niles responded, checking his speedometer. "Anxious to get on the hills?"

CC cocked her head to press her lips lightly to his neck. "Anxious to get on something, yes."

The couple wore twin wicked grins as the limo slid into the parking lot of the ski resort. As soon as the engine stopped, Brighton and Grace leaped out of the vehicle to find the restrooms. Max and Fran grabbed their bags and went to check in while Maggie stood in the parking lot, snapping pictures of the light post and other cars.

CC climbed out of the limo and smiled sweetly as Niles slid his arm around her waist. "It's nice to get away," she said, glancing at the snow-capped hills around her.

"It is," Niles agreed, pulling her against him to press a kiss to her temple. He squeezed her hip to signal that he was stepping away as he pulled their bags from the trunk. "So, what should we do first?" he asked as he slammed the trunk shut.

"Unpack, ski, hike?" CC suggested, her breath coming out in little puffs.

"Hot tub, hot chocolate, stay in our room?" Niles responded. CC laughed and followed him toward the resort, slipping her arms around him from behind.

"Guys!" Maggie called out, her camera at the ready.

Niles and CC turned in tandem, her chin automatically resting on his shoulder. The shutter clicked and caught their happiness.

* * *

><p>"Max, this just feels awkward," Fran said, wringing her hands.<p>

"What do you mean, sweetheart?" Max asked as he pulled Fran's seat out for her.

"Niles and CC are coming, right?" Fran asked.

"Well, it's the Broadway Cares benefit, which Sheffield-Babcock Productions is co-sponsoring, and Niles is her fiancé, so yes, they'll be here," Maxwell responded, slipping into the seat next to her. "Why do you ask?"

Fran clenched her teeth momentarily. It wasn't often that her husband's obtuseness rankled her, but it was situations like this when she couldn't stand it. "Max, things aren't going well between them."

"Now, darling, you don't know that," Maxwell replied, nodding his head in thanks as a waiter handed him a glass of water.

"I do, Max. I _do_ know that," Fran said. "How can you _not_ know?"

Max took a deep breath. Of course he'd noticed. But unlike his wife, he didn't like to get involved in situations that were particularly complicated and if he knew anything about Niles and CC, he knew it was infinitely complicated between them.

"Darling, you know I don't like to talk about this," Max told her. "I hate that things are strained between them but I don't know that we can do anything to help."

Normally, Fran refused to believe that. She only needed to look at her relationship with Maxwell to know that love actually _could_ overcome. But some situations got so intertwined and complex that they couldn't be untangled, like the Slinky that Brighton ruined when he was 10.

"I don't like that feeling," Fran admitted.

Max patted her hands. "I know, Fran. Maybe things will work out."

Fran's skepticism only increased as she saw Niles and CC step into the ballroom, standing three feet apart.


	2. Chapter 2

[A/N: Wow. Just…wow. At the risk of sounding completely self-centered, I never thought I'd be missed. I dedicate this chapter to nrfan, who I apparently need to find on Tumblr. I'd forgotten how much I love writing, so I must also thanks Niles and CC for bringing it back out of me.]

Chapter Two

_You, borrowing my tears_

_And harrowing my mirror,_

_Covering our eyes so I can't see us crying_

Following the opening remarks from the chairman of Broadway Cares, the catering staff served dinner. Max and CC sat next to each other to discuss networking possibilities; while they were distracted, Fran stood up to move next to Niles.

"You look great tonight, Fran," Niles told her as she sat down.

"Thank you," Fran preened. "You look so handsome, too."

Niles smiled and began eating his salad. He stopped halfway through when he noticed Fran not only staring at him but also ignoring her own salad. "What is it, Fran?"

"Niles, sweetie, is there anything…you'd like to talk about?" Fran asked carefully.

"Such as?" Niles asked blithely.

Fran stared pointedly at Niles' left hand, which sat lamely next to CC's right. Niles' pinky twitched, as though it fought against invisible restraints.

"What?" Niles asked innocently.

Fran looked at him knowingly. "Niles. There was a time when—"

"Fran, there were a lot of Time When's," Niles cut across her, his voice suddenly harsh. "You gain nothing by lingering on them."

Fran stared at the flowery centerpiece in the middle of the table, taken aback by Niles' tone.

Niles stabbed at a cherry tomato and then let his fork fall weakly. "I'm sorry, Fran. I just…"

Fran placed her hand atop his. "I understand, Niles. I'm sorry I got involved." She stood and took her original seat, grabbing a roll and placing it on her salad plate.

Niles slumped back in his seat, glancing over and watching CC interact with Maxwell. His eyes traveled down the graceful slope of her neck and over the expanse of skin revealed by her dress. Feeling his eyes on her, CC turned and looked at him. He offered a small smile, which she vaguely returned.

* * *

><p>Niles pressed her against the wall roughly, eliciting a gasp from CC. He reached down and cupped his hands beneath her knees, pulling them up to rest on his hips. He leaned in and fused his lips to her neck, loving the feel of her racing pulse.<p>

"Niles, we…we shouldn't," CC gasped, contradicting her weak resistance by holding his head firmly in place.

"I think," Niles said softly against her collarbone, sending flutters across her skin, "we should."

"They're waiting for us…downstairs," CC said, struggling to get her words out.

"They are," Niles agreed, nudging the strap of her summer dress off her shoulder with his chin. "You just look so beautiful in this dress…"

"Hmm," CC mumbled. Niles stopped the trail right at the swell of her breast and looked up at her.

"Should I stop?" he asked with a wolfish grin.

CC pressed both palms to his cheeks, twining her fingers in his hair. She pulled his face to crash against hers, meeting his lips with a passion that always nearly overwhelmed him.

The kiss lasted several moments, leaving them breathless. Niles rested his forehead against hers, groaning when CC shifted her hips against him. She kissed his cheek softly and stopped near his ear.

"I love you," she whispered.

Niles smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. "I love you, too."

"We really should go downstairs," CC said, suddenly serious. She reached over and slid the other strap off of her shoulder. The light cotton slid down and settled around her waist.

"Of course," Niles replied, just as serious. CC reached down and unbuttoned his pants, lingering her hands for longer than necessary. Niles' eyes darkened as he slid his hands up her thighs and ran them along the lace he encountered there.

"Give me a second," Niles murmured, pressing his chest against hers.

"Just a second? What a shame…" CC muttered, laughing gleefully as Niles turned around and tossed her on their bed.

* * *

><p>CC walked up to the open bar, knowing that several potential backers would be gathered there. She ordered a dry martini and watched as the bartender made it.<p>

"CC!" a shrill voice exclaimed. CC immediately plastered a sincerely insincere smile on her face and spun around.

"Cheryl!" CC replied, accepting her double air kiss. "How are you?"

"Fantastic," Cheryl replied, absentmindedly fingering the triple-strand pearl necklace around her neck. "How are _you_? I heard a rumor that you're enga—" Cheryl stopped, for she'd reached for CC's left hand and stopped when she saw it was bare.

"Cheryl, doll, have you heard about our upcoming musical? I keep meaning to call you," CC said, the fake smile still affixed to her face.

Cheryl's troubled face changed almost immediately, though the sympathetic tint remained in her eyes. "Of course, love, tell me all about it." Her eyes kept flicking to CC's empty left finger.

* * *

><p>"Niles, old man, how's the catering business?" Maxwell asked.<p>

Niles nodded, finishing off his beer. "It's going well. The holiday rush has kept us busy."

"Excellent!" Max said. Both sets of eyes watched as CC talked to a group of middle-aged rich men.

"Looks like she's doing well this evening," Niles remarked.

"As usual, mate," Maxwell said. "She's quite an asset."

Niles nodded mutely. Maxwell looked suddenly troubled.

"Look, old man, I don't wish to be bothersome," Max said to him. "I'm sure Fran has already bothered you. But is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

"I suppose it _is_ true, then."

"What's true?"

"Married people do start to look alike," Niles muttered, wishing CC weren't standing near the bar so he could get another beer.

"Come on, old man," Max said.

Niles sighed. "There isn't much to talk about, Max. Sometimes things just don't work out."

"Sometimes that's true, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to—" Maxwell attempted.

"I'm not staying in our house anymore," Niles interrupted suddenly, staring at the leftover foam in his glass.

"What?" Maxwell asked, as taken aback as his wife was earlier.

"Our townhouse. I don't stay there anymore," Niles confessed.

"Where are you…do you need a place to stay?"

"No, one of the chefs is letting me stay in his spare bedroom," Niles replied. "I didn't want Fran to find out, to be honest."

Maxwell nodded slowly. "I can understand that. Are you still engaged?"

"I thought so, but she isn't wearing her engagement ring today," Niles answered. "I can't say I blame her."

"Are you still trying to fix things?" Max asked.

Niles looked over the rim of his glass, watching the image of CC distort. "There doesn't seem to be much to fix."


	3. Chapter 3

[A/N: My sincerest apologies for the slow update. Thanksgiving trip home! A sincere thank-you to all of the reviews...they motivate me to keep writing!]

Chapter Three

_I'm not going home without you_

_I'll save your life_

_Not going home without you_

_I'll make this right and wait all night_

_If that's what it takes_

"Getting a lot of money, Miss Babcock?" Fran asked.

CC cocked up an eyebrow. "Miss Babcock? You haven't called me that in years."

"Years?" Fran asked, her face scrunching in confusion.

CC thought for a moment. "All right. Several months."

Fran shrugged. "Old habits." She neglected to point out that the disintegration of CC's relationship with Niles had caused a huge resurgence of the much-feared Miss Babcock.

"Anyhow, yes, we're getting a lot of interest in our musical," CC said. "Nothing like a depressing charity event to make people give money away."

"Where's your ring?" Fran suddenly asked, yanking CC's left hand toward her, sloshing her martini over both of their hands.

"Excuse me!" CC exclaimed, grabbing a handful of napkins from the bar and mopping her hand up.

"No. CC, where's your ring?" Fran pressed.

"You big barbarian!" CC shot at her. She pulled her hand away and set her now-empty glass on the bar top. Spinning on her heel, CC stalked away with Fran hot on her heels. The blonde producer pushed into the bathroom and halted at the sink, lathering her hands and rinsing them off.

"CC," Fran said. "_CC_, where is your ring?"

"Why?" CC barked.

"You can't scare me away," Fran said, her voice unwavering. CC reluctantly acknowledged that the former nanny was correct; it was one of the things CC actually respected about her.

"It's back at my house," CC replied.

Fran eyed her shrewdly. "_Your_ house? He isn't staying there anymore?"

"I…we…no," CC responded lamely. She pulled two paper towels from the dispenser and dried her hands.

"Oh, CC, I'm sorry," Fran said.

The sympathy in Fran's voice hit CC like a wave, washing away her Iron Woman disguise and revealing an aching vulnerability that pulsed in her throat. CC shrugged away quickly from the kind hand Fran attempted to place on CC's shoulder.

"It's fine," CC replied, the evenness of her voice unnerving her. How cold had she become? "It's a long time coming. It just wasn't a good fit."

Fran watched CC with a strange look on her face. "It's a relationship, CC, not a sweater."

"And yet both can be discarded when no longer sustainable," CC told her.

Fran's jaw dropped. "It's Niles you're talking about. How cold are you?"

The nanny's words jarred her not only because she'd just said that to herself but also because others had noticed it, too. She knew Niles had.

CC wasn't a person who could easily voice her thoughts, so discussing her feelings was complete alien terrain. Niles was usually the one who could help translate but the arduous job proved to be exhausting for him. So there was no way for her to explain how lost she felt, how unstable everything was when Niles wasn't her stability, or how terrified she was that Niles was slipping away. It seemed to happen so effortlessly. Faced with a life without Niles, her constant of nearly fifteen years, CC's resolve crumbled.

But when she opened her mouth to respond, all she said was, "Very, apparently."

* * *

><p>"What do you think?" Niles asked apprehensively. CC walked in from the renovated kitchen, an inscrutable look on her face. She poked her head into the open, high-ceilinged living room before she spun around to face him with a large smile.<p>

"I love it!" CC exclaimed.

"You do?" Niles said nervously.

"I love it, and I want it to be mine," CC declared.

"I know it's probably smaller than—" Niles began. CC silenced him with a tender kiss.

"Niles, I love it," she repeated. "I always wanted a townhouse with a hunky butler-turned-caterer."

Niles smiled, but CC could tell he was still nervous.

"Niles, relax. I love it. There's plenty of kitchen space for you to make me all of my favorite meals, and there are a lot of windows. Great storage space. Gorgeous hardwood floors. Close to work but far enough away that the Fine family won't be here everyday," CC said. CC grabbed his hand and hurried up the stairs, jogging down the length of the hall and stepping into the master bedroom. She stopped abruptly and spun around quickly; Niles stopped and just prevented himself from running into her.

"Do you want to know my _favorite_ part?" CC asked.

Niles smiled at the almost childlike excitement that she never showed to anyone but him. "What's that?"

"It's ours," she said, sliding her hands into his. "Our own place. I'll get to fall asleep and wake up next to you without rushing back to my penthouse to get ready for work. Every night, I'll get to sleep next to you and every morning, I'll wake up next to you."

"Hmm. You're right. I should probably rethink this…" Niles said. CC playfully punched his shoulder and pouted.

"Well, if _that__'__s_ how you feel…"

"CC," Niles began. She felt her stomach squirm in a way that was both anxious and magnificent. "I have no idea how I became so lucky or what I did to earn you. So I need you to know how happy all of this makes me. If you don't like this townhouse, we can find another one. I will spend the rest of my life working to make you as happy as you make me."

CC felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, so she squeezed them shut and gave him a lingering kiss. "I love it. It's our home."

* * *

><p>CC reentered the ballroom and suddenly felt suffocated at the thought of being there with Niles and Fran. Two people who knew of her utter failure to maintain a relationship with a man who'd loved her more than everyone else who had loved her before combined. She'd failed so seldom before and, as most people who rarely fail are wont to do, she'd come to fear failure. It was, therefore, poetic that she'd failed at the one thing she'd needed to succeed.<p>

Holding the skirt of her dress up to avoid stepping on it, CC ventured to the bar to replace her spilled martini. As she leaned forward to place her drink order, she heard a silky British baritone say, "A dry martini for the lady, please."

CC turned to look at her fiancé, or former fiancé, or…Niles. She turned to look at Niles. "How generous of you. It's an open bar, you know."

Niles gestured widely, as if to display his magnanimous spirit. "Anything for you."

CC paused; she felt jarred, as though she were listening to a favorite song and it suddenly skipped a beat. She was saved from the onerous task of coming up with a reply, however, when one of Sheffield-Babcock's most reputable backers approached Niles and CC at the bar.

"My favorite couple!" he exclaimed, patting a hand on each of their shoulders.

Niles' face instantly transformed in one of polite interest. "Robert, how are you?"

"Fantastic, good man," Robert replied. "CC, you just look magnificent." He reached for her left hand and bent down to kiss it gallantly, but he paused. "Where's—"

"We had to get the ring cleaned," Niles inserted quickly, effortlessly sliding his arm around CC's waist. His hand automatically rested on her hip. "Since she spends so much time around sleazy backers like yourself," Niles finished with a playful twinkle in his eye.

Robert gave a booming laugh and handed his empty glass to the bartender to refill. "Niles, you ass. I had quite a scare there. You know how much I love you two."

CC remembered well. Robert had been the only person _not_ surprised by Niles and CC's relationship, having seen the two interact throughout the years. He'd been particularly happy when they'd announced their engagement months ago.

CC watched as Robert and Niles continued playfully jabbing at one another, finding herself wishing that their conversation would never end. She found all of her attention, focus, and nerves centered where Niles' hand touched her hip and she refused to admit to herself how much she craved it.

The happy couple act had to continue throughout the entire exchange, of course, so CC played along as well as she could. She looked up at him and he glanced over at her, smiling cheerfully. The joy didn't spread to his eyes and CC felt her stomach drop as though a lead weight had dropped into it.

She remembered—so well that it hurt—how he used to look at her. It had happened even before he'd admitted any feelings for her, before any of their drunken exchanges, or before she'd started to wonder fleetingly about the strangely handsome butler. She would look up suddenly and find him staring at her; before he had the chance to wipe it from his eyes, CC would see it. He used to look at her so _fondly_, as though she were so unbelievably precious.

When they'd finally gotten together, she saw it more often but that never diminished its quality. And when he paired that look with softly pushing her hair behind her ears, she was gone. He'd won her over so completely that she hadn't had time to get scared. At first.

These uninvited thoughts stomped into her consciousness with the force of the Spanish Inquisition and her inner strength fell apart.

Niles glanced at her again, but she was smiling blankly at Robert. As Robert finished their conversation and walked off with his newly filled glass, CC felt tears glazing her eyes.

"Are you all right?" Niles asked, concerned.

"I…" CC let her sentence dangle. She couldn't lie to him. She didn't want to. But she didn't want to fall prey to his innocuous concern that he would show to any human being in pain, since he was a decent man. It wasn't as though she could turn to him and reply that she was upset because she was still in love with him but she had absolutely _no_ idea how to fix things.

Instead, she ignored the martini sitting behind her and walked off quickly.

Niles made a move to follow her but decided against it, choosing instead to sit back at their table. Dessert had been served, so he began to eat the strawberry cheesecake.

"Good thing," Fran remarked. Two empty seats, Max and CC's, sat between them.

"Hmm?" Niles looked up from the cheesecake.

Fran motioned to his dessert. "I was about to eat it."

Niles smiled. "I don't blame you. It's delicious."

Fran pushed the remaining crumbs around her dessert plate with her fork. "Niles…about earlier."

"No need to apologize, Fran," Niles immediately defused.

"I wasn't going to apologize," Fran admitted. "I mean, ya know, I'm sorry I upset you. But I also wanted to say I understand. Sometimes things don't work out."

Niles thought back to how CC hadn't stepped away from his touch. He may have been imagining it, but maybe she'd even leaned into it. "Sometimes they do."

Fran nodded. "Sometimes they do," she granted. "But you're right. Remembering what you guys had isn't helpful. I talked to her in the restroom and she just seemed so…cold."

Niles' hand clasped his fork more tightly for a moment, but he refrained from replying. He loathed how people immediately disregarded everything about CC on the basis that she was cold, but he couldn't blame Fran. She didn't know CC as he did.

"She isn't even wearing her ring anymore. And I didn't know you weren't staying at the townhouse," Fran continued. "It just seems like things are piled against you, and it's hard to come back from that."

"It can be," Niles said noncommittally. When Fran put it like that…

"I don't blame you for giving up," Fran said, patting the table as though to simulate sympathetically touching his hand.

Niles nodded slowly. Two people now, in less than an hour, had told him to give up. He supposed they were right. It would be the smart thing to do.


	4. Chapter 4

[A/N: My sincerest apologies for committing my biggest pet peeve-a huge amount of time between updates. Thanksgiving happened, then work happened, and things got busy. Never fear; I'm still working on this. Better yet, I have inspiration for a new story, too. So please bear with me and thank you, as always, for your reviews. I live off of them.]

Chapter Four

_I can't believe this skin is_

_One we've always been with_

_For as long as we recall it._

_For everything that it's been through,_

_Know that I forgive you,_

_Know that I will hold you when the sky is falling_

But Niles wasn't always a smart man.

In an instant, he stood up, grabbed CC's untouched cheesecake, and walked away. He ignored Fran, whose fork had been inching toward the dessert, and her squawk of protest.

Trusting his memory, Niles followed the path he thought he saw CC take out of the periphery of his vision. The ballroom had several rooms and hallways branching off from it, and the party had spilled out subsequently. He found her sitting perched on a stiff-backed chair in a small room with an empty desk. He allowed himself one moment to wonder pointlessly at what the room was used for before he stepped in fully and shut the door behind him.

"I brought you this," Niles said as a way of greeting, thrusting the plate under her face. She took it wordlessly. "You should thank me, you know. Fran was about to eat it."

"You should have let her," CC said, placing it on the desk. "I've lost my appetite."

"Really? We should try to play the lottery, then, since all sorts of impossible things seem to be happening today."

CC looked up at him oddly, as though trying to figure out what he was doing. They hadn't battled verbally in weeks, and he knew she couldn't tell if he was playing or going for the hurt.

"Really, CC, try the cheesecake. It's good," Niles said in a gentler tone. He reached around her, grabbed the plate, and placed it back in her hands. "Eat."

"What are you doing?" she asked softly, staring at the creamy cake.

Niles sighed, leaning against the wall in the room. "I don't quite know."

"I'm glad we've established that," CC said, the bite in her voice returning quickly. "You can go, then."

Niles almost smiled at the familiarity of CC's snappishness. "There she is. Welcome back, sweetheart."

The mocking use of one of her favorite terms of endearment made her want to throw the plate at his head. She bit back whatever she might have said and took a small bite of the cheesecake. He was right; it was delicious.

"We haven't had an actual conversation in a while," Niles said casually.

"Not since you left," CC muttered, taking another bite.

"Not since you kicked me out," Niles corrected, placing his hands behind the small of his back as he rocked against the wall.

"Not since you thought I actually wanted you gone for good," CC bit out, refusing to look him in the eye.

Niles' heart skipped a beat; perhaps they actually would accomplish something here tonight. "Didn't you?"

"I don't know," was all she said.

"CC," Niles said softly.

She could tell he wanted to ask her a question, but the gentle caress he'd given her name created a lump in her throat, bigger than the oversized bite of cheesecake she was attempting to swallow. She made a noise somewhere between a hum and a grunt.

"Why were you almost crying earlier?" he asked.

"I wasn't crying."

"Which is why I didn't ask why you were crying earlier. I asked why you were _almost_ crying," Niles explained.

CC merely shook her head. He understood this as not a denial of what he'd said but rather an unwillingness to respond.

"It was nice, you know," Niles began. CC's eyes snapped up to his and he saw fire brewing. He quickly amended, "I don't mean that you almost crying was nice. I'm sorry. I meant it was nice talking to Robert earlier."

"You hate schmoozing."

"I do," Niles agreed. "But Robert's a good man. And it was nice standing there with you."

"Yes, we're quite the actors," CC said dryly. She took the last bite of her cheesecake and set the plate on the desk. She immediately regretted it, though, as she no longer had anything else to look at.

"Are we?" Niles asked. He was staring directly at her but she refused to acknowledge it.

Whatever was causing this strange interest didn't matter to CC. She'd seen enough earlier to know: how he looked at her now was so painfully different from how he'd looked at her then. There was no going back. She'd ruined everything and must live with the consequences.

Niles sighed and walked over to the desk, pushing the empty plate aside. He hopped on top of it and sat with his back slightly hunched, his legs dangling listlessly.

For some strange reason, CC wanted to laugh. "All you need is a miniskirt, Miss Fine."

"You should be so lucky to see these legs in a short skirt," Niles replied airily, jiggling one leg in front of her.

Again, CC bit back a small laugh.

"Why?" Niles suddenly burst out. CC started and turned to look at him.

"What?" she asked, her eyes widened slightly.

"Why do you do that? I saw you about to laugh, but you stopped yourself. Why?" he grilled.

"Because…because I…" CC faltered.

"Because things aren't going well between us, so you feel the need to stick to some strange code? We can't laugh anymore, we can't tease each other anymore?"

"What does it matter?" CC shot back. "So I laugh at a stupid joke. Does it fix everything? No. Then what's the point?"

"How do you _expect_ to fix anything if you don't communicate?" Niles volleyed.

"Oh, yes, please. A lesson in communication from the master himself," CC retorted. "He whose only methods of communication are insults and practical jokes."

Here it was. The frustration between them, borne from so many sources, escalating until it reached its peak. Years ago, CC coped with a drink and he with a cigar stolen from Maxwell. Months ago, they'd solved it, quite simply, with sex. Now, they solved it with silence. The chasm between them grew exponentially and Niles was sure he was the only one trying to reign it in, like trying to contain a dozen marbles all rolling off in different directions.

"CC, you can't look for a cure-all, and you can't expect it to come from me," Niles said with a sigh.

"Finally defeated, then?" she asked, sitting back in her chair. Niles had an awful feeling that if she'd had her martini with her, she would have cheered him.

"I know you well enough to know you wouldn't be proud of that, so don't act like you are," Niles responded. "You spend months testing me, seeing if I'm worthy, checking if I'll stick around. Then you feel vindicated if I don't. It's so self-defeating, CC."

CC turned to face the wall, irritated with his insight and angry with herself. "We're all well aware of my shortcomings in the romance department. I don't need you to spell them out."

"That isn't what I came here to do," Niles told her, clasping his hands between his knees.

"Then why did you?" CC wanted to know. The most minuscule ember of hope flickered dimly in her chest.

Niles paused. "Good question."

It flared back into darkness. "Then just go."

"Oh, no, you don't, Babcock. I followed those instructions weeks ago and look where it got me," Niles responded.

"To a much better place," she said softly.

Niles bristled as he always did when she took shots at herself. That was _his_ job. "Maybe I came to work on things."

"Don't waste the effort," CC told him. She stood to leave.

"Damnit, CC, no," Niles said, pushing off the desk and standing next to her. "I'm sick of people telling me that. 'Just give up,' 'it isn't worth it,' and now you. Screw what everyone thinks, CC. I'm not giving up."

"I have," CC said, walking toward the door.

Niles stepped toward her and grasped her elbow, turning her to face him. He brought his free hand up to her other elbow and held her in place. "I know you have. I'll just try twice as hard."

Unwelcome, tears began to fill her eyes. She screwed her eyes shut and shook her head firmly.

"CC. What happened?" Niles asked, his voice finally revealing the sadness he'd kept in check. He felt her raise her shoulders halfheartedly in a shrug. "What happened with us? Things were fine and then—"

"Then they weren't," CC finished. She opened her eyes and looked at him squarely. "It just fell apart."

"It happened so quickly," Niles said, almost as if he were talking to himself.

"Which is why we should just cut our losses and move on," CC said roughly, pulling out of his grasp. "Anything that falls apart so easily is just fundamentally unstable."

"No," said Niles firmly, placing his hand on the door so CC couldn't leave. "I refuse to believe that. If there were something fundamentally wrong with _us_, then yes. I'd cut my losses and move on. But I refuse to believe we can't fix this."

CC stood off-balance, stuck at the precipice of believing him or accepting what everyone else said. Logic encouraged her back from the ledge, where everyone else watched her expectantly, while he stood in the unknown. He could be so persuasive…

"It's you and me, CC," Niles said, brushing her cheek gently. "You can't tell me you think there's something wrong with that."

CC stood silently. She'd gone from never believing they were possible to never believing they were _impossible_ and now she didn't know what to think. The evidence was impossible to deny: it hadn't worked out.

She nudged his hand away from the door and pulled it open. "Yes, I can."


	5. Chapter 5

[A/N: My sincerest apologies. The holidays caught up with me and I hadn't managed to finish this yet. However! I got inspiration for at least two new stories, so hopefully that will slightly make up for it. This is the last chapter-please read and review!]

Chapter Five

_And my reflection shows_

_We're clinging to dear life_

_But I won't let us go _

_We'll make it through all right_

CC returned to the table in time for the keynote speaker to begin his speech. Moments later, she felt Niles slide into his seat next to her.

"CC," Niles said softly. CC shook her head. Niles sighed and leaned back in his seat.

At the end of his speech, the content of which neither Niles nor CC could recall, the crowd stood to give him a standing ovation and then slowly dispersed. As Max and CC stood reviewing the evening, Fran walked over to Niles.

"Niles, d'ya want to come over for some ice cream?" Fran asked. Niles elected not to remind her that they'd already had dessert, knowing her invitation was an inevitable reaction to her learning that he was staying with a friend.

"No, thank you," Niles replied. It took less than a second for him to decide to add, "I'm going back with CC."

CC paused mid-sentence, cocking her head to look at Niles. "Excuse me?"

Niles smiled benevolently at her.

CC ignored him and finished her discussion with Maxwell in a matter of moments. "Goodnight, Maxwell. 'Night, Fran." CC grabbed her clutch and walked off, stopping frequently to say goodbye to other members of the Broadway community. All the while, Niles remained quietly at her heels.

When CC was outside and out of earshot of anyone else, she spun around so fast that Niles bumped into her. While he was still regaining his balance, she pushed him slightly.

"What are you doing?" she asked accusingly.

"I'm coming home with you," he said lightly.

"This isn't a joke!" she exclaimed angrily. "Stop treating it like it's…it's…"

"Like it's nothing?" Niles guessed. "Like the way you're treating it?"

"You think it's nothing to me, Niles?" CC asked.

"I'm not going to try to guess what's going on through your mind because I'm willing to bet you can't even make sense of it," Niles replied. "This is my last effort, CC. I'm putting myself out here and offering to try for both of us, to prove to you there's something worth saving."

CC spluttered a few times before she turned and stalked off toward the car, frustrated. Her hurried footsteps slowed to a lumbering gait when she remembered.

Niles stopped next to her and smirked, jingling the keys next to her ear. "Just remember that I drove?"

CC closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Just drive me home, Niles."

"That's where we're going!" Niles called out happily, trotting to the car and holding CC's door open for her. His use of the word _we_ rankled her, but she had precious little choices in terms of a ride home and the temperature was quickly dropping. She ignored his continued smirk as she slid into the car, the leather cold against her skin.

* * *

><p>Niles lightly pressed the brakes as the townhouse came into view; he was lucky enough to find a spot not far from the front door.<p>

"Thanks for the ride," CC muttered as she reached for the door handle.

"CC—" Niles began, gently touching her left arm.

"Niles, don't," CC said. "It's late and I'm tired. Just let me go."

Niles couldn't say what it was, but in the same way that he knew that sunlight meant warmth and that Sylvia would always come over hungry, he knew that things between them would become heavily irreparable if he let her go that night. And so he shook his head adamantly. "No."

"Why?" CC asked, defeated. She slumped against the seat and propped her head against the headrest.

"Because I love you," he said simply. He saw a look of sadness sweep over her face and, hours later, he still wouldn't understand why. When she didn't say anything in response, Niles continued. "CC, tell me what you're thinking."

He'd said that to her often in their time together, and each time it jarred her. It wasn't the question itself—enough men had requested the same thing of her throughout her life—but rather the sincerity in his voice as he said it. Niles never said anything to her because he felt he ought to, as too many men did, but only because he genuinely meant it. He wanted to know what she was thinking.

But that didn't mean CC always acquiesced. She didn't know how to say to him that it was all her fault and she knew it, but that didn't mean she knew how to fix it. The fear she felt at their relationship had grown from a nagging feeling in her stomach to something that gripped her thoughts at all hours.

She was afraid to lose him, to hurt him, but she was irrationally afraid that he'd do it to her first. She was afraid of wrecking their relationship and it never occurred to her that she'd been acting in ways that would lead to their demise anyhow—she closed herself off, she stopped communicating with him, and she'd eventually told him to leave in the middle of a heated argument that had initially begun because he'd wanted to know _why_ she'd been acting that way.

Niles brought her more love and intimacy than she'd ever known before, so it logically followed that she realized how afraid she was of intimacy. She'd worried her whole life that she wasn't good enough—it was why she'd become a businesswoman after all, to prove to her father that she was—and it utterly terrified her that one day Niles would realize it, too.

It was a huge, jumbled mess and she had no idea how to voice any of it to Niles. She had insanely wished, on more than one occasion, that he'd be able to read her mind but even Niles wasn't _that_ good.

"Babcock? You still with me?" Niles asked, concerned. Her face had been the most fascinating kaleidoscope of emotions over the past two minutes, but she'd remained silent.

CC cleared her throat and sat up fully. "Sorry. I should go."

"CC," Niles said. The firmness in his voice caught her off guard; she turned to face him. "I've been willing to let you test me for however long you've needed to. I know it's hard for you to trust people. So I've done whatever it was I thought I needed to do. But I can't do it forever. I miss you, and I want things to work out, but I don't know what you want. I can't wait forever, CC."

Tears made her eyes sheen, but she still said nothing. She raised her hand halfway between them, as though to touch him, but she let it drop listlessly into her lap. "Goodnight, Niles," she said softly.

She climbed out of the car and shut the door, walking briskly up the steps to the front door. Without looking back, she unlocked and entered the townhouse.

Niles gripped the steering wheel tightly, setting his mouth in a firm line. He didn't want to give in to her stubbornness and everyone else's grim predictions, but when she acted like this, he had no idea what to do.

* * *

><p>CC rubbed at her face as she shuffled down the stairs in her fluffy slippers, her cotton robe falling off one shoulder. After she'd left Niles' car, she'd tried fruitlessly to sleep for thirty minutes before getting back out of bed. She straightened her glasses with one hand as she used the other to propel herself around the bottom step to land in the hallway. She continued into the kitchen, grabbing a mug and a packet of hot chocolate.<p>

For a few moments, CC smiled as she remembered Niles' disgust at the powdered drink, loudly proclaiming that his homemade hot chocolate was _far_ superior and that he'd considered it base treachery that CC could even think to drink the other stuff. He'd nearly fainted when CC innocently pointed out that _his_ hot chocolate didn't come with mini-marshmallows.

As she watched the mug spin around the microwave, she found herself once again wishing she'd thought to say at least one of the things that had stormed through her head in his car. She wished they could bypass the present awkwardness and return to the warm, happy life they'd so carefully cultivated at this townhouse. Was she going to punish him for being unable to read her mind for the rest of her life?

The microwave beeped and she carefully pulled the mug out. She poured the powdered drink into the water and stirred it vigorously, watching as the steam let off curlicues of chocolate-y aroma. It occurred to her that she could read the newspaper while she drank her hot chocolate at the same moment that she'd remembered she hadn't grabbed it that morning.

Wrapping her light gray robe tightly around her and dreading the bitter cold she was about to encounter, CC walked down the hallway and jumped when she reached the front door. She was startled to see someone sitting on her stoop and was just as shocked to realize it was Niles.

"What the hell is he doing?" she muttered to herself. As soon as she voiced the question aloud, she realized the answer. He was doing what he said he wasn't going to do: he was waiting for her.

The snarky butler was sitting on her stoop in the freezing cold, the Christmas lights from the neighbor's front door twinkling off his hair, because he was waiting for her.

Before she talked herself out of it, CC unchained and unlocked the front door. She leaned against it as she looked down at his hunched shoulders, knowing how long he'd been sitting out there.

"What are you doing?" she asked him.

He started and jumped up, spinning around. His cheeks were adorably reddened by the chill, and the meek wind had slightly mussed his hair. "I…I…" He puffed up his chest and stood tall. "I'm doing what I need to do."

"What, catch pneumonia?" CC asked rhetorically. "Come inside, Niles."

"If you insist," he said haughtily, though she'd never seem him move as quickly as he did then.

She shut the door and locked it up. "I made some hot chocolate, if you're interested."

Niles narrowed his eyes and slid out of his coat, draping it over the stair railing. "You wouldn't dare." He spun and stalked into the kitchen. "You would! Babcock, how can you stomach this rubbish?"

CC shrugged. "It only takes 30 seconds."

Niles glowered at her. "I would have thought you, of all people, would know that good things take _more_ than 30 seconds."

Her cheeks reddened as much as his had been and she quelled any reply she might have had. She cleared her throat as he took out a pan and cocoa powder. "What were you doing outside, Niles?"

"I already told you," Niles muttered, moving masterfully through the kitchen. Within minutes, he was stirring a concoction that smelled a thousand times better than hers had.

Still, CC clutched her own hot chocolate to her chest. "I don't see how freezing your ass off is going to fix anything."

Niles turned to look at her. With her blue flannel pants, white t-shirt, gray robe, and messy bun atop her head, Niles thought she'd never looked so beautiful. "It isn't about fixing anything with one fell swoop. It's more of a…concentrated effort."

"Effort to achieve what?" CC wanted to know.

"To prove to you that you're worth it," Niles tossed over his shoulder. He reached into a cabinet and pulled out another mug, carefully pouring the contents of the pan into it. "Here, drink this."

CC complied, setting her mug down and grabbing the one he offered. She took a tentative sip and felt her taste buds explode. "That's delicious."

"Thank you," Niles said, setting the pan in the sink. He put the other tools away and by the time he'd cleaned out the pan, she'd finished her mug.

"Thank you," CC echoed, setting her mug next to the discarded one.

The two stood uncomfortably in the kitchen, the air heavy with the complications they carried with them.

"You know what I want, CC," Niles blurted out. "But I said earlier that I don't know what you want. I need to know that what I'm trying to accomplish is something that you actually _want_ to happen. Otherwise I just risked hypothermia for nothing other than to make me look foolish. So what do you want?"

CC stared at a spot on the island. "I want…to watch a movie."

Niles allowed that, whatever else, this woman never failed to surprise him. "A movie," he echoed.

She looked up at him, her eyes briefly hidden by the glare of the kitchen light off her glasses. She shifted her head slightly and he could see her deep blues watching him intensely. "Don't you remember? We'd rent a movie and make popcorn and…and cuddle on the couch."

"So that's what you want?"

"I…it was just easy. I just…in times like that, everything made sense, I guess." CC shifted uncomfortably and pushed the empty mug further from her. "I don't know."

"And things don't make sense now," Niles said. CC shook her head. "You know that things _won't_ make sense again if you don't start talking to me and telling me things like you did just now."

CC nodded carefully.

"So…want to run to Blockbuster?" Niles joked.

CC looked at him balefully.

"Come on, CC," Niles said. "We joke. We tease. It's how we interact. That hasn't changed."

"Everything's changed," CC responded. "How do you not see that?"

"I don't know how you _do_ see it that way," Niles replied. "We hit a rough patch. That's all."

"But that's what happens. You hit a rough patch, you grow apart, you fall out of love, and you end up alone."

"Wow. A lot happens in two weeks, then," Niles remarked. CC glared at him again and he held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry. Just because it's happened before, CC, doesn't mean it's happening now."

"Maybe not _now_, but it could happen," CC pointed out.

"Not if we don't let it."

"You can't always _let_ things happen, sometimes they just happen, and…"

"And when they do, I sit on a porch in below freezing temperatures to prove to you how much I hate that it's happening," Niles said.

"And what happens when you stop doing that? When you stop fighting because you realize that I'm just not—" CC began.

"Stop it," Niles interrupted forcefully. "I can guarantee that whatever it was you were about to say would never happen."

"You can't _guarantee_—"

"I can," Niles interrupted again. "I've been waiting for you for twelve years, CC. I've seen you at your absolute worst and I can tell you that I loved you every moment."

She looked at him dubiously, her hand still pushing the mug away for want of something to do.

"You don't have to believe me right now. I can't undo the years of harsh treatment you've subjected yourself to. But you have to at least start listening," Niles said. "I can't carry the weight of our relationship entirely on my own. I need to know you want this, too."

"I…I do," she said in a small voice.

Niles stepped forward and cupped her face in both of his hands. "I've missed you so much, sweetheart."

And then she saw it. His eyes softened and he looked at her lovingly, as though she were something precious and secret that was solely his.

She stepped even closer and rested her head on his shoulder, fully enjoying how easily she fit there and how naturally he slid his arm around her waist. Inching her face forward, CC pressed her lips gently to his throat and felt his pulse quicken. "I love you," she breathed against his ear.

Niles hugged her more tightly than he'd ever done before and held on a fraction too long, unwilling to let her go. "I know. I love you, too."

CC lifted up her head to face him as much as his close embrace would allow. She splayed her fingers over his back. "Do you? You do know, right?"

"I know, love," Niles answered. He kissed her forehead lightly.

She leaned forward again and this time pushed her cheek against his. "I'm just…afraid, sometimes."

Niles squeezed her tighter, appreciating how difficult the confession was, however obvious it might be. He kissed her forehead again, then her cheek, and finally her lips, kissing her properly as he'd ached to do for the past three weeks.

She molded herself against him, fully wrapping her arms around his torso and eagerly accepting his kiss. She disengaged from the kiss moments later and braced herself with her hands against his chest. "Come upstairs," she requested.

Niles smiled roguishly. "I don't know, my pajamas are at Craig's and he's got the most comfortable air mattress in his spare room…"

CC smiled brilliantly at him, her face so returned to its playful, wicked happiness that it almost took his breath away. "I'll just have to convince you, then." She grabbed his head and crashed it down to her lips in a kiss that _did_ leave him breathless. She walked into him until he was pressed up against the counter; she grinned against his lips as his hands traveled from her back to her rear.

"Well, I suppose…" Niles said in an attempt to be blasé, although the attempt was admittedly weakened by his inability to catch his breath or tear his eyes away from her face. CC twined her fingers in his and hurried up the front stairs, Niles chuckling at her excitement.

They entered their bedroom again and just as Niles made a move toward her, CC stopped. "Wait! Wait…"

She hurried over to the sequined clutch she'd carried that evening and walked back over to Niles, who'd pasted a confused look to his face. Grinning sheepishly, CC pulled open the bag and rooted in it for a moment before she unearthed what she was looking for.

Niles smiled sadly when she showed him her engagement ring. "I thought you'd left it here."

"I carried it with me wherever I went," CC admitted. "I felt like the biggest ass after I'd taken it off."

Niles nodded as he took the ring from her. "Going to make me propose again?"

CC grasped both of his hands in hers and looked at him, feeling slightly foolish. "Marry me?"

"Ah, who could say no to such an adorable face?" Niles replied. He slipped the emerald-cut diamond back on her finger and wrapped both arms around her again. "Yes, love, of course I'll marry you."

CC preened and kissed him soundly, and for the first time in a long time, she didn't feel any doubt. Only Niles.

_I'll make this right_

_And wait all night_

_If that's what it takes_


End file.
